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The perfect place
The perfect place, despite being a song about romance by Taylor Swift (as she always sings her songs about romance, because she can't hire better songwriters to write better songs for her), and that Will Smith movie that is coming out sometime in 2013 about this girl who found a tape in her easter egg that said, "Hello, Michelle, you are given a knife and a chaingun that contains 317 bullets. You must break into the pharmacy and steal some marijuana from the back and deliver it to the clown on the TV that, if you're a fan, you probably have seen on the Saw series. Yeah. I've been low for way too long, girl. Get me some weed. NOW!", nor is it the time that Madonna broke out of prison just because she was craving a pepperment at Walmart. No, no, we're not talking about Heaven either. Just Like Heaven is just a fucking movie with Reese Witherspoon in it. Or it's what Christians call "their happy place" and where they can say all the mean stuff they wanna say about the devil all they want and the devil can't do anything......................That makes them happy. What it is So, no, we're not talking about all that other stuff. We're talking about the perfect place. And that's not on Santa Claus's lap, you fucking perverted pedophile. It's not watching an episode of Family Guy, Robot Chicken, Star Wars, or listening to "Weird Al" Yankobitch either. The perfect place is where you are spinning around on a table really quickly and you have just eaten a whole bunch of oatmeal. And you hate oatmeal. No, you HATE IT. You don't like it. At all. And suddenly you feel sick in your stomach but right when you're about to......you know.......a long sword stabs you through the back and goes into your stomach, and the kid you hate, who is fat, is laying on a couch in front of you, drinking a Coke, eating chips, watching football, laughing as hard as he can, pointing at you with a potato chip in his fingers. And you wanna just fucking kill him but you can't because you're dying and you can't get up. That is the fucking perfect place. That is what heaven will be like for you. Hell will be worse. So think of the benefits of that. You thought heaven was going to be awesome? Thought you were going to meet Elton John or something? Well you're fucking wrong. God hates you. He hates you all. God refuses to bless America because he hates America, but he hates the rest of the world just a little more. He fucking hates China though. Really hates it. Wishes someone would drop a hydrogen bomb over them and un-overpopulate the world again. Defining the perfect place So basically So basically, to define what you think is the perfect place, you have to make sure that you have good grades, have read every book that your parents haven't (that's, like, all the books), watch every episode of Frasier, Seinfeld, Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond, and every Will Smith movie there is. Then, after you've done that, you have to make sure that you've fed the dolphins in your swimming pool in the backyard because your mom is a fucking dumbass and loves dolphins. Because she's a fucking dumbass. Finally, you have to go to sleep and imagine a time when you hated some little fifth grader. He kept calling you names, flicking you off, making you make tea for him, etc. And you have wanted to just take a baseball bat and beat the shit outta that little kid while you have the chance. So you do. That's the perfect place. Even though that's not even a place. It's like a feeling. But it's a place all the so. An encyclopedia definition An encyclopedia defintion would probably just be like: :The perfect place: (n.) comes from the Greek phrase Go fuck yourself. It originated in Ireland in 1834 (no, those aren't just random numbers) when Napoleon Dynamite proclaimed, "Gah, you idiot." :No seriously though, if you think you're actually gonna get the answer to this word out of a fucking encyclopedia, then you can just go fuck yourself like how the Greek would put it. Go and order a fucking pizza and coke, you stupid bitch. We don't want your attention. Go and burn a house down for all we care about, because you're a fucking asshole who doesn't even give a fuck. Stupidass Goddamn fucked up dickwadded Motherfucker. FUCK YOU! That's what it would be like, probably. Other perfect places Other perfect places include: *When your mom tells you that you have to clean out the cat litter box and you guys don't have a shovel or a bag to carry it in. *When your favorite dog gets run over by the road and time replays itself five times to make you watch the gory sight of it *When your mom makes you mow all the grasses in your neighborhood. And each residence has over three acres of land. *Your family moving to Ireland *McDonald's making you be their employee. Enough said. *Getting ripped to pieces slowly and painfully with a chainsaw and shot seventy times with a chaingun, somehow staying alive. *Your girlfriend leaving you for that guy you hate. For no fucking reason. *Your mom and dad getting a divorce and killing your sister with a macheti and a crowbar All those sound like the perfect place and situation to be in, eh? Sounds like fun, right? Don't you want for all of those to happen at the same time? That would be just awesome, wouldn't it? Stereotypical perfect places to be in These include: *Having sex with your girlfriend *Having sex with your girlfriend and some other girl you don't know *Having sex with your girlfriend while her parents are home and they don't know about it; and with some other girl you don't know *Having sex with your girlfriend while her parents are home, they don't know about it, with some other chick too, and making them make out with each other too *Make up sex See also *Walmart *Crowbar *McDonald's